I’ve been a coach’s wife for the past 12 seasons, and I’ve seen firsthand the struggles and triumphs coaches go through. It takes a special person to be a coach, which makes good coaches extremely hard to find and even harder to keep. I’ve seen coaches come and go in just one season due to the long hours, low pay, pressure to win, time away from their families and the stress parents created during the season. If you’re looking for ways to support your kid’s coaches, do your best to just let them coach.
Keep Quiet at Games
When I asked my husband, he said staying quiet during games is the best way to support your coaches. Yelling at your children during the game takes away their focus and keeps them from hearing what their coach is telling them. Focus on cheering on the team and let the coaches coach. My husband says, “Parents should be the best fans they can be at games.” And whatever you do, please refrain from yelling hateful things at a coach, referees or the other team during a game.
It’s also important to keep quiet at home. Don’t go home and bad-mouth the coaches to your child. Second-guessing their decisions or complaining about the coaches to your children takes away the trust the coach has built with them.
Follow the 24-Hour Rule
If you have an issue with something the coach has done during a game, follow the 24-hour rule. Waiting 24 hours before reaching out to the coach allows everyone to cool off from a rough game and takes the emotion out of it. After 24 hours, schedule a time to talk with the coach. Don’t approach the coach directly after a game or a practice.
Stay Away from Social Media
If you’re upset with a coach, steer clear of social media. If you have issues with a coach, reach out directly to him or her. Most coaches would be happy to explain their reasoning. Airing your grievances on social media makes not only you and the coach look bad, but also the team, school and district. It can also be extremely embarrassing for your child.
Trust Your Coach
Coaches are not in the coaching business to make money. They’re in it because they are passionate about the game and want to share that passion with other children and build young men and women of character. Trust that they have the team’s best interest at heart. Coaching is their job, and they want a winning record like you do, probably even more so. It’s their names and reputations on the line when they lose. Take that to heart.
If your child isn’t playing, remember the coach is looking at the team as a whole and will play the best players. Perhaps your child has had a bad attitude at practice and the coach is trying to help build character. Perhaps your child could use another year of development before he can thrive on the varsity team. When in question, give your coach the benefit of the doubt and do your best to support his decisions. Coaches really do want what’s best for your child. If you need to ask more questions, reach out in a respectful manner.
Have Your Child Speak Up
If your child isn’t playing as much as she would like, empower your child to ask her coach what she can do to improve. A coach would be happy to give constructive criticism to help her improve her skills. This question means much more coming from the player instead of the parent.
Volunteer
Most parents only see what goes on during a game. They have no idea what goes on behind the scenes. They don’t see the weekends watching hours of film, hundreds of hours spent in the weight room, two-a-day summer practices, late nights waiting for kids’ rides, middle-of-the-night phone calls from their players who need advice or support, summer days spent planning for next season or the many phone calls from disgruntled parents. The job is truly 24/7.
A great way to support your coach is to volunteer to help. Some ideas would be organizing team dinners, helping set up and tear down the field on game days, uploading film, helping with team laundry or organizing the team fundraisers, banquets and senior night.
Involve Their Family
As a coach’s wife, I know how important it is for a coach to have a family that supports him and can handle things at home while he is coaching. During football and baseball season, my husband sees his players more than his own children. He misses his daughter’s games, weddings, reunions and more. Do your best to involve your coach’s family in the team dynamic. When they attend a game, say hi, talk to the kids, invite them to team tailgates or offer them a seat next to you. Small gestures can go a long way to help them embrace the season, and a happy wife equals a happy coach!
Tell Them Thank You
Coaching can be a thankless job. Let your child’s coaches know how much you appreciate them. A simple email or text about how your coach has helped your child can make a world of difference. Knowing the work of coaching made a difference in your child’s life is what it’s all about.
Regan Lyons is a proud baseball and football coach’s wife. She lives with her husband, Cale, and daughters, Atley, 9, and Ensley, 3, in St. Joseph.